So I thought I'd add another post. I wasn't quite sure what to write, but I guess anything goes, right? I think one of things I think about a lot is the last time I saw Mama. See the last time we really hung out was at Jasmin's birthday party. The last time I remember giving him a hug and greeting him was sometime in June. I remember he came over to talk to Harinder in the study room. I answered the door and the first thing he said was something along the lines of, "Who picked this color?" as he was looking the front door over. I remember smiling as he explained it was way too bright and that we needed to paint it again. It's funny because for as long as I can remember, I've always thought Mama had superb style! After all, he was decorating his new 16,000 sq.ft. house and he had everything picked out from the top furniture to the most gorgeous windows - or so I had heard. And let's not forget that he helped us pick out all the paint colors/molding for our house too. Before all this happened, even if I was just lying on the sofa in the study room, I'd look up at the design on the ceiling and think, WOW. The colours are just so amazing. He had good taste, that's for sure, and it was taste that couldn't be imitated either, no matter how much the next person tried. And we all know that usually the next person is some dip, right?
Anyways, my last real memory of Mama was just two weeks before everything happened. The only reason I remember that is because I had just started a new course up at SFU. Anyways, it was bright and early in the morning. Class started at 9:30AM, so I had just pulled out of the driveway just after 8:30AM. I remember taking a left and fumbling in the car looking for my glasses. I was driving pretty slow because there was a SUV Benz in front of me. I didn't once think it was Mami-Ji's, but instead I just assumed it was the neighbour's. I had just put on that song by Brooke Hogan and Paul Wall that Jimmy had recently told me about - About Us. I remember thinking, 'Why is this dude in front of me is driving so slow?' Again, I just thought it was because the driver was the Chinese dude next door to us. And it goes to show I how little attention I pay to vehicles because it hit me afterwards that they don't even own a Benz!
So we hit the stop sign at the bottom of the street and I had to take a right. The SUV Benz just stopped for a minute and then the driver started waving at me. I remember the only reason I saw it was because I had just finally put my glasses on. For a second I was so confused, like I know I had a dumb look on my face. Then it hit me. It was Mama! I realized he must've been at Jessy and Gurmit's house or something. I remember smiling back like a total nerd and waving before he pulled a left and I pulled a right. And then for some reason, I kept smiling. I don't know, but that really made my morning. I guess it only seems natural for me to say that NOW, but it really did back then. I remember thinking, 'Hey I have to go over really soon. I haven't seen the boys in ages!' I also remember thinking, 'Shit it's a good thing I didn't cut him off earlier on when he was driving so slow!' Haha, I would've heard about it later that day on the phone if I did!
So yeah...that's the last time I saw Mama. I think I've beaten myself up so much over the fact that I didn't go over the day before everything happened. It was Monday and I had just come home from the SFU Surrey campus. I remember lying down on the floor of my room and opting to take a short nap instead. Meanwhile, Roger, Bhabi, and Jasmin all went over...I can't think of how many times I've asked myself why I took that stupid nap.
I remember just last month sitting in my car sobbing as I talked to Mami-Ji on the phone telling her how sorry I was for not coming over enough. That was the day I gave Mami-Ji and the boys the birthday albums I had made especially for them. I remember how good it felt to do that and to see Mami-Ji's reaction, but then I had to leave after all the hugs. And on the drive to school, I guess I couldn't take it anymore. That's the day everything really hit me...I couldn't get a hold of Harinder, so as much as I didn't want to bother Mami-Ji, I called her. I needed to apologize. I mean I lived a block away and I couldn't go over enough because I was so self-absorbed with school. I know Monty's tried helping me realize I shouldn't have guilt, but I guess you can't help it. And as I sat there in my car in that busy parking lot, I just remember how Mami-Ji made me feel better and that she was so calm and reassuring. That's when I realized if Mami-Ji could be that strong, so could the rest of us. And you know what? I'm glad I put my glasses on that morning I last saw Mama. Because if I hadn't, I would've missed out a memory that I'll now never forget. Talk about good timing - right, Mama?
xoxo Karen
